We sell (and sell) a rosy vision of motherhood and fatherhood: we believe that pregnancy is the ideal state wish granted where there is nothing to worry about more than his good performance; a state in which the pregnant mother sits in a rocking chair knitting booties made of wool as the months pass and the father caresses his belly interés.O coon in the best case, a state in which the mother may continue their "normal" and "remain the same," however.
It is not true, at least, not the latter, nor is it true that raising children enough affection.
In a normal pregnancy will have personal difficulties and moments of tension and adjustment that no one spoke up ahora.Tanto pregnancy and childbirth and raising a child are roads full of responsibility and capacity we require adaptation and constant improvement, both at the individual and family level, so people who are parents often say that is the best thing that has happened in my life, because it really is a rare opportunity for personal growth and gratification is usually hard- equally great.
is not unusual for new parents landing earlier than expected and without much preparation, a maternity and paternity is revealed distressing complex, uncertain and hard.
And is that from the moment of "positive" start a process in which the mother and father continue to have to accept facts (physical and psychological) associated with their new state which sometimes do not are at all compatible with the idea after having to "receive" the baby, get the tummy, get the feel of a child growing inside of one, be the protagonists of a unique event ... no change to more appropriate medical checks , some patience and look forward.
What are the parents instead? They find that not only are your future child, but have to give and put much of his party. That is the embryo grows pulling for himself, who asks that you wear, which borrows the mother's body to become and which requires, of course, some parents prepared for everything strong and capable.
The first experience when landing on this reality can be of alienation, estrangement, guilt and even rejection. And it's not uncommon to feel a deep sadness in the first months of pregnancy, because nothing is as a thought and days, instead of wrapped in spring echoes are passed vomiting, dizzy, sleepless, tearful, trapped in one's own desire to became a reality.
So many parents go through their first pregnancy (between laughter and tears) and so they learn the first lessons of fatherhood. Learning what is the tolerance to physical discomfort. Learning what is to stop being so self important and live with the international presence of an "other", his son, forever. Adapting to handle the unpredictable, the new .. dive into the totally unknown.
And that is to receive smiles, chubby thighs, little teeth sticking out and hands that embrace our finger .. must first give, accept and change our old skin for new skin: stronger, more generous, more animal. And if there is no transformation, no life, no actual maternity or paternity, there is no possibility of including a child in our lives and there is no possibility of development for the child we raise.
not even pretend to give a negative view of pregnancy, but a realistic and mature. A vision mature and no time for advertising. And a vision of calm also, because I do not intend to alarm anyone but to put things in place: pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum processes are intense, magical and wonderful, but not always friendly. Nor do I blame: virtually all parents that we've been through same or similar thing at some point, because paternity and change two words are intrinsically connected and nobody is born (or brought to the world) knowing.
So now and for the rest of our lives as parents, it is necessary to make constant adjustment between personal expectations and reality. And I say that is necessary precisely because in that setting expectations lies the opportunity to enjoy what you're experiencing, but by now we can imagine to enjoy should not always be taken literally, but rather as substantive satisfaction we get when we engage deeply with what we experienced. A That's what they call full. Violeta
Alcocer.
Illustration: Yamile Llanes.
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