Most of us, on our way to adulthood, forget what is containment. In our relationship, rarely exercised this capacity, however, is so important for psychic survival of children we have.
Containment is a word that perfectly describes itself: the act to cover, sustain, adapt, make room and to understand what happens to the other, in this case the child. So
described seems simple but in reality it is not: our reactions to the discomfort we often face rejection or (do not feel well) or "mirror" (I feel as bad as you). Rarely can we do the work in-depth understanding of the child's emotion without being confused with it and, from the serenity, guide to be able to resolve their conflicts (we guide, but rather altered).
child emotions and emotions of the adults are separated by a gap of complicated solution: only through an internal exercise of remembering who we were as children, we can access the emotional content that "resonate" and mobilized in the same the child line now before us.
The approach in this case, it is unidirectional, ie from parents to children and not the reverse, since it is impossible for the child not yet placed where it belongs. To really understand
the child's emotion talking about a way back, a return to the old and intense emotions of the child that one day we went. And from there, and not forgetting the adults we are today, opening a space in any room with evils that happen to small. Contain
anger, discomfort, bad behavior or anxiety of our children does not mean make room for action: it means understanding, appoint and accept, that is to accommodate the feelings that flooded, without renouncing to the fact able to draw a more appropriate management of them.
emotions is important to separate actions: the emotions, all are acceptable. They are not actions that sometimes accompanied or attitudes to others, while sometimes intense emotions and devastating, poorly managed, can lead to equally devastating relationships and lack of respect.
Our lack of exercise, adults usually face the child's misbehavior as we do between us: when someone offends us, we offend him.
Thus it is common that the identification of "appropriate" is accompanied by our own discomfort, our anger and, sometimes, our own "misconduct" (screaming, slamming doors, insults, etc. ..).
That is important to separate the child's feelings of ours: Why we get so angry when our children are angry? Why irritate us your sadness or frustration? We upset their actions but, inadvertently, end up being the mirror of the emotions that provoke, that is feeling the same way they feel (anger, rage, aggression, frustration ...), reaching a dead end because, in this case, we are the only ones capable of providing the list of solutions to conflicts. If destine the immense energy that we provide our anger to calm down, we'd get to be parents who want to be.
For that small really can learn to redirect negative emotions in positive attitudes, in turn, contribute to a better resolution of these emotions, it is essential that your guides (ie their parents) will point out the road not only with words ("this is done") but with facts, both objective (showing good behavior, that is pointing to the small limits on respect and serenity) and subjective (an internal arrangement of containment and emotional involvement in our relationship with the child). Ie: with all our being. Violeta
Alcocer.
Illustration: Gemma Arnal
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