not usually feel bad mother but when I do, is when aspects of my personality emerge that are not exactly friendly, automatically they are "placed" my children without them having done anything particularly serious to warrant, for example, my bad mood, or my lack of resources to handle a specific situation. I do not think they have to pay my tensions, although sometimes and my regret doing so. And I do not think they have to pay my limitations, but sometimes and in a natural course, do so.
Although I do not like, I do not poses a problem feel bad mother because I know too well that no one "is" or "is not" anything that feels at any given time. Like a child when "doing something wrong" and that does not mean that the child "bad", mothers and fathers often err and that evil does not automatically extend to the exercise of all of our parental roles.
Feeling "bad mother", in fact, it helps me tremendously because that feeling catapult me \u200b\u200bstraight to a period of reflection (which can last from minutes to days) the first thing I do is stop myself and of course my conduct, review my teaching styles at that time and replaced in the place where I think a responsible mother should be. Feeling like I've done bad I often put in my place, help me.
In any event, the kindness of a mother and a father, I believe, do not refer to the goodness or badness of the person but rather, proper and "gentle" exercise of its functions. And even more than the pursuit of what is directly observable (give or not give her breast, taking the child strapped in the car or attached to the body in a scarf, sleep with him or take him to the crib and a long list of options apparently incompatible with each other, but actually very relative), I refer to the maternal and paternal kindness as a series of fundamental attitude toward parenting, among which stands out above all others respect for their needs according to the developmental stage in which you are raising and capacity for coexistence.
Unfortunately, one thing is to love our children and quite another to get them to behave in a loving way. The second has much more value than the first and, of course, there are many mothers and fathers who love their children truth but are unable to translate that love into behaviors of respect, empathy, containment and help. Hence the world walk by so many people have not felt loved, despite having been. The latter has also to do with what I consider to be "good parents."
So hide behind the love (we feel) our children to justify poor parenting or abusive behavior is not lawful and it is possible that mothers who feel attacked when people question his methodology and feel it because somewhere in your day to day has been installed that inconsistency between what we feel (love) and how in which they are treating their children on one (or several) particular topics. Being a parent gives permission for everything.
In any case, apart from these preliminary considerations, the fact is that on the day to day what we value (and judge) at the other mothers and fathers, in general, are their actions above the attitudes that motivate them and so we have spent years judging women among us without mercy: finding a "bad mother" out there makes us automatically better mothers than the others.
And so the "side of good "and the" gang of evil "is actually a trench dug for ourselves, women, and I think it reflects the need to exorcise the bad mother and all of us cling desperately to look good ourselves. In fact, all, some and others, to be questions to answer, without hesitation, that we are "good."
But the point is that the good mother, in fact, exist. As there is its opposite. And I say does not exist because the child does not exist, from the moment that a mother sometimes gives and denies others, is very close and sometimes far, sometimes full and other empty, sometimes as many competent and incompetent. Mom, if anything, it is sometimes good and others bad.
So do not make much sense the effort that women have a position in the "good side" and entrenched in interpreting everything the outside as an attack. Because the question is: what are we really defending? What is attacking us? For me the answer may be that we defend ourselves from having to question our own ingrained attitudes and attacks us finding our own insecurities and limitations.
Hence the importance of being able to put aside our proud banner of "good mother" (to which we cling with pride like a treasure that someone would snatch whenever doubt) and occasionally wonder if we will be doing something wrong.
pursue a flag because we do not include all lags a more noble purpose at hand, which is helping us grow and support each other as best we can to be bad mothers our children.
Violeta Alcocer.
Illustration: Monica Calvo.
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