usually small growing in an environment of understanding, respect and sanity than the transition from "baby" to "children" with a high opinion of themselves.
have incorporated all messages that both Mom and Dad we have endeavored to convey as the base fabric of the ideology of their own: you are great, you are worth much, you're so smart, how well you draw, I love your smile many more adjectives that their parents love we have repeated and repeated with the intention that they be clear: children You are wonderful!
And while the environment has not always been consistent with this view as optimistic (it is possible that a child has already been charged with insulting or that the tutor does not see it his best side), the fact is that until now the impact of social approval was not important enough for the image of themselves will see explicitly undermined in any way.
However, time passes. And our little daffodil lands, a good day in the real world. In a world that does not always return a nice image of yourself and there will always be people adults or children who do not see him not so handsome, nor so ready, or as lovely as you are at home your family and closest friends. Children who do not make them your thanks grace. Children show how ugly it is ridiculous that shirt or your hair cut. Or your face.
Obviously, all these negative reflections coexist with the usual loving glances, which are always there.
But something changes.
Somehow our son no longer sees only his own reflection in the pond gold to start watching, too, the image of himself that he returned others. His reflection in the mirror of the other ... sometimes friendly and others, so ugly, almost unrecognizable.
The fall of narcissism is a turning point in the development, as it requires an intelligent control by those who want to help our children grow.
Firstly because we are the first we have to accept that the world will be people who do not value our son or our family, as we do. And give the child naturally. In fact, it is even possible that some of these criticisms, or eyes tougher "have some truth" ... or at least can be the other side of the coin of one of its many virtues (being a heavy and have perseverance are the same thing seen from different angles, for example).
Our job is to help our children to integrate all eyes and develop a smart approach to rebuild his image as a function not only of what he thinks and knows itself, but also what projects and give back to others. And learn to distinguish worthwhile reflections of those who do not: accept negative feedback can be an invitation to grow and learn more of ourselves ... or may be a poisoned dart to contaminate the confidence in our worth.
is possible for persons to which our son does not matter (some guys he just met at the park, some older girls who have just set eyes on it ..), make a comments given at one point: "Look at this panoli how he gives the ball." And our son can hear and feel hurt, is in question, becoming entangled in the sense of having been assaulted in the innermost ( because in reality, the sight of father and mother to that directly contradicts this review) and feel unable to metabolize a situation that undoubtedly will be repeated countless times throughout his life.
In fact, words are just that, words. The important thing is the real intention that those words were spoken and by whom they were said. Do these people know our son? Do you know anything about him, talents, interests, feelings or difficulties? If the answer to the above questions is "no", so we have to teach our son is not to assess the harmful words of those who value us not to us.
If the owners of these words do not have cared that they impact have had in his heart ... why would it matter to him those words?
However, negative evaluations may bring a healthy self-awareness, there is no reason to reject systematically all the words that go against the good idea we have of ourselves. The exercise of self-criticism need not frighten us: can we always want to be the star? Is it true that sometimes it is vain? "Fatal given score in the basket?.
People are not perfect and our children are no exception. But the fact of not being perfect does not mean that we are worthy of being loved and of course, respected and accepted, even with our limitations or shortcomings. And we, in return for this respect and that love, we must strive to improve.
all need one another to tell us how wonderful we are and, while we point out our faults. We all need someone to push our daffodil to water and remind us that besides ugly ducklings are swans.
In fact, on a non-self-esteem is one that consists only of good ideas about ourselves: is the integrating our capabilities and our limitations so that the others do not prevent shine nails.
And now we come to the backbone of the question, as always, is closely linked to the exercise of parenting and teaching style that we practice in our home.
Parents Are we able to live with views different from ours? Do we accept that our partner we question in some way? "Allow our children to point out our failings as a parent? Are we aware of our faults and our virtues? And finally, Do we choose our critics?
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