Upon reaching a certain age (or in some cases motivated by a pregnant mom or something they saw on TV and were impressed) children have a natural curiosity know your body and its functions, appropriate and recognized. We speak of children from four / five years.
And is that the body generates many questions: the anatomical differences between him and other children and girls, mom and dad's body, the sizes of their genitals, their looks and functions .... are matters on which there was great interest in children.
And although it seems that at this age already know a lot, in matters of sex are still gaps: "I still remember," confesses Juan Antonio, a father of 34 years at college were months without talking to a classmate for one day he came to inform us that the girls had no penis: everybody else think unanimously that he was a liar! " .
Sex is a touchy subject for parents. Many are uncomfortable talking about "those" issues, while others do not know where to put the limits of the information given to the small ... and ended up giving more information than the child understands. Sometimes the school
assumes the task of providing children a good sex education, but the work that parents can do in this area is really important.
sexual education provided to the child influences the way you accept yourself tomorrow, as a man or woman heterosexual or homosexual, as to accept and take care of your body in dealing with another gender and own the responsibility to assume that sex and procreation.
Before his questions, there to understand:
-What is the concern of the child (really): There is no magic formula, but the first step in educating children about sex is to listen carefully to their questions and concerns guess ... and read between the lines, it is often not asked directly, but refer to issues "parallel" why dogs can smell each other, why women wear different clothes for men ...
"Where are your questions: The children are playful and curious, but that's it. The childlike curiosity has little or nothing to do with the playfulness of adults we are not evil-minded. Their questions usually respond to information coming from their environment (Mom's pregnancy, talk with other children, seeing movies, listening to comments ..).
-to where you want to know: helping to define and formulate your questions well. For example: "Want to know why that girl and that boy go hand in hand and kiss ... you want to know is what it means to be engaged" later find out if your interest goes beyond (if you know when you can be someone's boyfriend, if you can have same-sex couple, the difference between dating and marriage ... etc).
-The stage that is: trying to listen to the child from his point of view (their age, their concerns, their experiences, how often react to certain topics ..) and not from the standpoint of the adult.
When responding, consider:
- Addressing the issue: Facing your questions calmly and affection is a key point: if the child perceives silences and evasions, is raising issues feel bad for those who not speak and grow with a distorted idea about facts that are natural.
Ah! and prior to evade an awkward question, it is better to speak openly: "I'm not sure I can explain now what is making love, so I put a similar example that you can understand ... and later I'll tell you more. "
- much information give (or how far to go in our explanation): we must take into account the maturity of the small and how much information has already. If you are someone who walks a little lost in this, or it goes a little "baby" for life ... we are cautious. It is better to stay short and return to ask us to leave the kid concerned with issues that can not understand.
- What language to use: the children's own language is best suited to explain anything, but we must call things by their name (penis, vagina, anus) when the child asks. However, for day to day we can adopt a more colloquial language, such as "inside the tail is a tube through which then goes pee "or" the ass from behind like we have it all but the front is different for boys and girls. "
- Always be honest: it means to speak honestly about in confidence, dispelling fears and resolving doubts ... but always respecting the child's ability to understand our message (not necessary that we reach out in detail).
- Who will do: the young tend to choose who wonder why, but both father and mother can be excellent teachers and guide the little curious. Now if one of the two parents are uncomfortable explaining, it is best to be the one who addressed the situation with ease.
- Books help: if, despite everything, we find it extremely uncomfortable talking about sex with little or play a song we just too tricky ... We can draw on some of the excellent educational books on the market.
star The 5 questions: 1-Differences
anatomical differences between children and adults. hairs, the size of things, who has what ... must be given sufficient information, but with tact (if we can help Illustration of books, the better), do not forget that the children are impressionable and need not know all the details (especially adult sexuality.)
2 - Children and babies: mother's pregnancy produces a whole sea of \u200b\u200bquestions: where we come and where do the babies? (Many kids believe that children enter through the mouth of mother) I can have me one? Can Dad? Where do you get? Does it hurt? ... when they get these questions, forget the story of the stork and naturally contémosle that parents put a seed in the belly of the mothers through the vagina and that babies grow inside and then out the same spot where they entered. For the child is much nicer to know that her mother has had in him to think that was found under a flower.
3-privacy and intimacy: the nudity, the proper limits and boundaries of others, are also subjects that also will attract your attention and that of course we are concerned parents. Some girls think they can get pregnant with a kiss .. others simply are not clear where the boundaries between private and public and dedicated to "show" to other discoveries. Bath time (or putting on pajamas or dressed in the morning) is perfect for small to explain to you how your body and which parts are private and which not. The message is simple: your private parts are delicate, you can play with them, but you do not want anyone can see or touch.
At this age we can offer the small to wash their own genitals after having soaped the rest of us ("now you only wash your ass with the sponge") ... will help you become aware that some parts of your body are more intimate than others.
4-Masturbation: Before or after the kids discover that touch gives them a great gustirrinin. Not be surprised if one day we caught them "red-handed", inspected, or playing doctors with their compilation of class or your brother. Masturbation and sex play between children is normal and healthy, so if this happens, you have to talk to them calmly, resolve questions, and explain that genitals are delicate, that if they touch another child without care can bother you, you better do so in private (not in front of the whole family in the living room) and, of course, no adult should propose never play with them. However, we must also make clear that playing with the same sex is healthy and will not get sick or hurt anyone with it.
5-Dad and Mom: The love between parents and the relationship between them is the primary reference point for the little curious. For children, usually "be married" as mom and dad, not erotic relations involving both the fact of not hide some parts of your body, sleep together, give kisses and called "honey", "my love" or the like. And indeed, here the kids are not wrong: we teach that the most important sex is the relationship of love, affection and mutual care among people who want. Violeta
Alcocer for Parenting Today (copyright)
Illustration: Cozy Tomato (Koji tomoto)
